Part 2: Rules & Etiquette Guidelines For Your Halaqa

“Al-Adab (manners and etiquette) always precede knowledge.”

 – Ibn Al-Munaya

Etiquette Guidelines for Halaqa Sessions 

v    Please arrive on time, or call the host to inform her that you will be late or unable to attend. We should respect another person’s time. Sessions will begin promptly at 6:30pm. Plan to arrive at least 5-10 minutes earlier to get situated and remember to plan for traffic. If you are late, we will not re-start the session from the beginning.

v    We should greet each other with, “As’salaamu Alaikum”, not, “Hi” or “Heyyy Girl” (Self-explanatory!) and begin our session with, "Bismillah ir Rahman ir Rahim."

v  Please bring a notebook. We will make time for a question/answer session.

v    Please TURN OFF CELL PHONES. Vibrating is also a distraction in small groups. Make sure your parent(s), husband, or children know where you are and that you will only be available for emergency situations. (And not because they can’t find the remote control or because the Wi-Fi isn’t working!)

v    Foul, offensive or incendiary remarks will NOT be tolerated. I have a zero-tolerance policy in my home for any racial slurs or defamatory language. You will only receive one warning, because we should know better. Race is irrelevant, unless it is used in the context of the topic, for instance if we discuss the Prophet’s last sermon when he stated, “No race is superior to another…” (Exactly my point!)

v    Please check your judgmental attitude at the door! None of us are even close to perfection and none of us has the right to determine who is or isn’t “religious.”

v    Be conscious of your words. We live, work and socialize with people from other races and various socio-economic backgrounds. I hope that our Halaqa sessions become a welcoming space for people from all walks of life and ethnicities. Insha’Allah. Let’s truly learn to   

 

v    Please do not interrupt the speaker during her lecture. If you have a question, wait for a pause in discussion – please make sure your question is relevant and about the topic being discussed. If the topic is about Salah, please don’t ask if we can eat kosher hotdogs, or where you can find a decent spouse! (Trust me, if I had the answer to that, I wouldn’t be single!)

v    The host will be responsible for bringing any discussion back on topic, so please don’t make her job difficult!

v    Remember that we are here to discuss matters pertaining to our Deen, and because we have a desire to increase our knowledge and our Iman. This is not a place to backbite or discuss non-relevant issues.  We don’t want any of the blessings that we may receive be stripped because of our inability to guard our tongues.

v    Everyone is encouraged to participate in the discussions and should feel comfortable enough to ask questions. We are here to learn from each other, and become stronger Muslims. Insha’Allah.

Part 1: Do You Want To Start Your Own Halaqa?

If you want to join or start a Halaqa - a gathering or group established to discuss Qur'an and Sunnah and other topics faced by our ummah- then let me begin by explalining why you should, and then  explain how spending time engaged in a Halaqa will answer a lot of questions; even those we ask ourselves. Insha'Allah.

Versus In The Qur'an Stating The Importance of

Praising and Remembering God:

"Those men and women who engage much in God's praise, for them God has prepared forgiveness and a great reward." (33:35)

"Those who believe, and whose hearts find comfort in the remembrance of God. Behold in the remembrance of God do hearts find satisfaction." (13:28)

"O believers, let not your wealth or your children divert you from the remembrance of God. Whoso does this, the loss is their own." (63:9)

Sayings of The Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) That Support The Importance of Praising and Remembering God (Alone and In A Group).

"Those who remember Me in their heart, I remember them in My heart, and those who remember Me in a gathering (i.e. who make mention of Me), I remember them (i.e. make mention of them) in a gathering better than theirs."

This is a Hadith Qudsi: Which means a direct revelation by God expressed in the words of the Prophet, peace be upon him.

The Prophet, peace be upon him said, "No group of people will gather in a house (which the scholars agree does not mean only a house of worship, but any place where people gather to remember God) and they come together to recite the book of Allah -The Qur'an - and to study it, and ponder it, except that tranquility from Allah will descend on them, and that they will be covered with Rahma, (God's mercy) and that the angels will come to this gathering and cover them and shower them (with blessings). And the gathering of Angels will go all the way to the heavens, and Allah will mention them by name, because of their studying of the Qur'an."

The prophet, peace be upon him, also said, " The best people are the people who study the Qur'an." (Sahih)

Obviously, this means those who act upon what they learn after studying and reading the Qur'an.

This is further indicated by the Hadith Qudsi (see definition above), "Allah says, I am to my servant as he expects of Me, I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me in his heart, I remember him to Myself, and if he mentions me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly better than his..." (Bukhari & Muslim: Narrators of A'Hadeeth).

________________________________________________________________________________

This should be your intention: Doing that which pleases Allah (God). So now that you know the Qur'anic versus and Hadith Qudsi/Hadith of the Prophet (Peace be upon him) that support the remembrance of God, I will share with you why I felt the need to host a Halaqa, and had the desire to begin one in my own small town. (Insha'Allah, In the next post, I will share some of the basic tools needed to organize a Halaqa.)

I've been feeling discontent for many years, and I haven't been able to figure out exactly what this nagging, persistent feeling is trying to tell me. I'm sure it's telling me more than one thing since I don't believe in simple one-step solutions, and because, I know I have more than one area in my life that needs to be addressed!

We live in a culture that says you must be busy doing something 24/7 and that you must be making money during most of those hours. You're led to believe that your resume must read like a person who Oprah would be jealous of, and that you must be exhausted by the time your head hits the pillow, or you haven't been living hard enough or working hard enough...I'm exhausted just typing that!

So what do you do if you manage to carve out relaxation time after work or after putting your kids to sleep? What do I do? I don't have an adult to talk to after my brat falls asleep, (yes, I wrote brat!) so I'm usually asleep when he is, or praying Isha salat, or falling asleep while reading a book, or watching T.V., or talking to my cat. (Yes, I said cat!) Unless it's Ramadan, I am ashamed to admit, I rarely read the Qur'an on my "downtime".

Yet, the quote above tells us that we will "find comfort in the remembrance of Allah!" We are told by our very own Creator that tranquility can be found in praising and remembering Him. He wouldn't make that up! Think of how content you feel during the month of Ramadan. I'm not suggesting we throw out our T.V.'s. I know that a lot of us take the time out of our busy schedules to pray our obligatory salat (five prayers). I do too, but unless I'm doing them with complete devotion and focus, I know I'm missing out on the benefits and blessings from this act of worship. I won't give up praying because of that, but I should probably lock my son and cat out of the room, and put my mental "To-Do" list in the recycle bin before I begin to pray! 

I realize now that the nagging feeling I've been experiencing is not, believe it or not, my impatience at finding a decent human being on the plethora of Muslim Matrimonial sites, or the fact that I haven't found my million dollar capital venture, or found a job closer to home. It's much deeper than that, and I know that what's truly missing is the fulfillment for a deeper meaning to life and a quest for inner peace. (Full disclosure: The honest, handsome brotha and his million dollar salary would not be rejected!)

I also know that this struggle for inner peace should never end, because as long as we're alive and breathing, we're still in need of improvement. For example, my thoughts can always be better, my time can always be better spent, (confessions of an avid facebooker!) my money could also be better spent. As much as I like adding to my shoe collection, true joy and peace is not found on my shoe shelves! My adorable elementary-aged nieces find great joy there, and are the biggest fans of my collection, and I have to admit, it does make me smile to see them plodding around my home in my knee-high boots and high heeled shoes! 

Earlier this month, the nagging was in full force after returning from ISNA, and I finally figured out what my soul was hungry for; Nourishment!  So I sent out a mass email (to all four of my Muslim friends in York! lol) and waited eagerly for their response! The first response came from a good friend, Rabyia Ahmed, who I had spent the 3 day weekend with at the ISNA conference in D.C.. She was thrilled that I finally initiated the idea and was as excited as I was with the idea of a "sisters" gathering.

I spend a lot of time volunteering for area non-profits, but because of the lack of Muslim organizations in our area, I don't get the opportunity to work with Muslims. Starting a non-profit takes a lot of fundraising money and a lot more manpower than the four friends on my email list, so I decided to devote my time to something smaller, but just as fulfilling. I didn't have to quit my job, or stop shopping for new fall boots, I simply started my own Halaqa.

None of us are scholars or Hafiz (memorizers) of the Qur'an. You don't have to be to lead a meaningful study group. Of course if helps when people have questions, but what I found is, that the more questions that arise during the discussion, the more I'm compelled to seek answers, and as stated above, taking the time to learn and study the words of God are rewarded with TRANQUILITY IN OUR HEARTS. That nagging feeling that I felt was telling me that I wasn't doing enough has begun to wane. I'm not spending every hour in the day researching and studying, as that would mean that I'm neglecting my other duties, but when I am making more time to understand my religion and in doing so, I have the comforting words of my Lord and The Prophet (Peace be upon him) to remind me that I am receiving blessings and being protected by angels. Most importantly, I'm equipping myself with a deeper understanding and connection to my faith. God says in the Qur'an, "I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship me!" (51:57)

What greater good (Hasanah) is there to offer my son, my cat, and myself? Feeling alone is one thing, but feeling deprived, and knowing that you are the one depriving yourself of something is a lot worse.

Insha'Allah, (God Willing) even if we remain a small group, I know I will still benefit from these sessions. Knowing I have a group of women in my home who are gathered for the sole purpose of getting closer to Allah and to increase their knowledge, Alhumdulillah, I couldn't ask for better companions.

If you also feel physically and emotionally spent from your daily chores, yet find yourself spiritually hungry and thirsty for more, I hope you feel inspired to start your own group. It is more rewarding than any "Mom's Club" or "Mummy-n-Me" session I've ever attended or hosted. A lot of moms use that time to catch-up on gossip or to complain about their kids and husbands! Yes, I know this is cathartic for stay-at-home mums, but what do you gain from such a gathering...a massive headache from all the noisy children and recipes for dinner? I'm not a fan of little kids or the kitchen, so I'd rather find a group that provides me with something I won't need to pack Advil for or over-cook. I seek the protection from God and His angels and an honorable mention in a better gathering. Surahs for the soul!

The next post will include rules/etiquettes that I chose to read aloud to my group on the first day. It's important to have codes of ethics or rules so everyone is clear about acceptable and unacceptable practices etc. Just don't be a hypocrite like I was, and forget to turn off your own cell phone, and have your sitar sounding ringer go off in the middle of your discussion...then have to answer it, because it was your MOTHER!

I wish you all the best in your endeavor to grow spiritually. Insha'Allah. It will be worth every ounce of effort!

A picture of my small, but sweet group of sisters for our very first Halaqa session. I was so excited to host this, that I made them my homemade lasagna! Food is well-deserved after spending quality time learning about our faith.
Alhumdulillah!